INTRODUCTION

Drawn Back to Light has been an enlightening journey that has evolved over twenty-five years.

Years ago my mother told me that a beautiful white angel hovered above during my challenging birth; I’m sure that same guardian angel has been with me during my entire free-spirited life. Like the lives of most, much of mine was shaped by my formative years with my family. Growing up somewhat isolated on a farm in Nebraska during the 40’s and 50’s seems fairly normal, but at age three or four, I began to notice I was different—I had an elevated level of empathy.

Life lessons were bountiful growing up in my family of origin. My father was creative, intense, inventive, and eccentric. He followed his heart and did what he believed he was meant to do: create and market his inventions. I admired his tenacity for going against the odds and living his dream. My father could be very warm, but at times was harsh. I was often afraid of him, and as a child, I found the contrast of his moods confusing. My mother was a schoolteacher. Very visual, she had a keen eye for improving surroundings; she was beautiful, religious, strong-willed, sensitive, and proper.

At age four my obsession to sort and organize everything I saw was recognized as a gift; creating aesthetic order was, and still is, a passion—I am an artist. Like most artists, I follow my heart. My free spirit has taken me down some very bumpy roads—some led to halting roadblocks that forced me to change directions. As my heart swayed with each detour, I never gave up hope. Instead, my heart became more understanding and more patient as I learned to love at a deeper, richer level. When I look back on my life journey, I realize every road I took was the perfect road to help me become all I was meant to be. Even though the bumps were painful, they taught me more about life than any smooth road ever could have.

My parents taught me grounding Midwest values that I still honor, but some of the religious lessons I was taught instilled unhealthy fear. The concept of the devil and hell terrified me when I was a child; I had many horrifying nightmares based on religious teachings. I was confused by a religion that used fear to teach love, but my youth and desire to live up to family expectations kept me compliant. I did my best to follow rules and wear a halo.

School was easy, but at times I wanted to burst out of “perfectionism” and just play! College finally gave me the freedom I had longed for—grades were no longer my main focus. I craved being around people who wanted to grow and expand their minds by thinking outside the box. But soon after graduating from college, I discovered I was ill-equipped to make wise adult choices. My lack of exposure to the real world led to misguided trust—a trauma that altered my farm girl innocence was the consequence. Because it was so traumatic, memory of the incident remained completely buried for ten years.

When I began Drawn Back to Light in 1988, my life was overwhelmingly chaotic. To cope, I buried myself in painting and writing. I desperately wanted to return to the creative calm I had felt as a young child on the farm. Hoping my parents’ and ancestors’ paths would help me find my way back to more carefree, peaceful days, I traced their journeys. An overlapping belief system began to unfold—it was an important clue in finding my way back to peace. By 1995 my health was seriously deteriorating: chronic pain from three surgical complications combined with surrounding negative energy became intolerable. When I was advised to make a major life change to help in the healing process, I strongly rejected the idea—it seemed unthinkable. At my lowest point, a wise counselor introduced me to A Course in Miracles. It reminded me of things I had intuitively known as a child—thoughts that had been buried in my subconscious for years. Its wisdom validated my inherent sixth sense—that we all come into this world with an open, loving heart. When I focused on lessons based on love, I started to feel an inner shift. I replaced rigid, fear-based religious rules with new spiritual understandings. Fundamentalist beliefs about guilt and shame gave way to compassion—I began to experience some peace as I felt a new life emerging

Drawn Back to Light shares my insights based on self-healing. Since we all come into the world filled with love, I wondered why we so often let fear invade our minds. Through years of observation, I concluded that as painful events occur, our hearts become crusted over with complex layers of pain. When fear begins to feel more natural than love, we block the flow of love that we instinctively knew as a child. By the time we reach adulthood, some wounds are so painful and complex that they are completely buried—we retreat into a state of denial in order to cope. But denial is meant to be only temporary until we are emotionally strong enough to deal with past trauma. We simply cannot let old wounds fester without altering our well-being.

When we feel and express all feelings fully—both the positive and the negative—we are in alignment with our inner child. As we peal back the layers, our childlike self begins to return. Young children are expressive—they naturally sparkle with enthusiasm! They communicate their true feelings of love without filters. As adults, of course, we need to use good judgment about when and where we express our emotions. But with wisdom we learn to listen to our inner child and return to our birthright of love.

Our return to love brings peace—our very own kingdom of heaven.

Now this often misunderstood verse makes perfect sense: